I Went Insane From Boredom

Last night, I went to the Comedy Central Medium Man On Campus Tour starring Mike Birbiglia and a few other comics. Of course, Mike, as the headliner for the show, was last to perform. I literally went insane from boredom until he took the stage. The performance was held in the CSI Fine Arts Auditorium, and it was packed. Actually, it looked sold out. I do not remember seeing very many open seats available.

The reason(s) for the boredom?

Reason #1 -
Well, for starters, the show started nearly 15 minutes late. I sat down approximately 25 minutes before the advertised start time. 40 minutes of just sitting in a packed auditorium being forcefully subjected to some of the worst music I have heard in a long time, including all those times I accidentally listened to 99.9 The Buzz on the radio. Once we sat down, we were locked in. The place filled up fast.

Reason #2 -
I wasn't aware that the city of Chicago could fit into the Fine Arts Auditorium, but it must be possible. I hypothesize on this because the Sears Tower sat directly in front of me. No, literally. Unless the comedian walked around the stage (almost never), I could only see their heads. Sometimes I caught glimpses of their shoulders, but only for a fleeting moment or two. Were it not for my own exceptional altitude, I would not have seen anything except this old dude's freakin' neck..

Reason #3 -
I suppose this one is related somehow to #2, but it deserves its own number. The comedians that performed before Mike Birbiglia were boring. I am so tired of these people that think that swearing somehow makes them more funny. Assume that a perfectly hilarious comedian is a "10" and a dull one is a "1". Even if the foul language makes you twice as funny as you were before, you are still a "2". Not much better, if at all. I literally caught myself counting the folds in the curtain behind the performers and then later, counting the individual pieces of wood in the floor beneath them. The not-funny-ness was further compounded by the fake people sitting both to my right and left. These people had evidentally never before seen anything funny in their lives, ever. You know how when you watch a comedian perform on TV, there is always one ridiculously loud person laughing pretty much constantly? Well, that person was sitting 2 seats away from me in the same row, and she laughed (shrilly) at every stupid little dumb attempt at humor the comedians before Mike Birbiglia vomited through their vocal cords. While those people around me were slapping their knees with apparent delight, I did my best to ignore them and imagine what sort of movements the comedians would be making if I could see through the neck of the Sears Tower...

Anyway, by the time Mike got to the stage, I was 2 hours past ready to leave. Only about 50 minutes had elapsed since it all started, 90 minutes since I had sat down. I cannot explain to you how restless I felt. There are no words that can describe it. I nearly got up several times just so I could move around, walk through the lobby or something. I didn't want to be rude to those around me so I stayed in my seat. It was agonizing.

I am glad that I went. I do not plan on going to any live performances of any comedians in the future except if the opportunity arises for the following 2: Brian Regan, and Dat Phan.

I feel all frustrated again, like I did last night when I wanted to get up and move around but couldn't.