Episode VI - Whatafreak Strikes Back
Okay, it's a misleading title, I know.
I haven't updated the Blog because there is nothing to update. I do nothing of interest. Ever.
I moved to Visalia, California. Other than that, nothing has changed. I still have no future, and no chance for success. I am destined for mediocrity.
I play video games to forget that fact, at least on a temporary basis.
Not a day goes by that I don't spend a few hours thinking about what I want to do with my life. There are many jobs that I am interested in. I have always been a sort of audiophile (I have $150 Sony DJ headphones, surround sound for the TV, and I just bought these for my computer[THX certified, yay!]), so I was thinking of maybe doing sound design for movies. I have to go to a special school for that, and from my experience school is worthless. I put myself $4K into debt at that microscopic college for an A.A. in Liberal Arts. I have neither seen nor do I see any future benefits garnered from the degree. I was thinking of going back to school to major in physics, but I don't know what to do with one of those degrees. Engineering is the one I am currently leaning towards, but I know that whatever I choose is going to be the one thing I never get to do in my life.
Not that it matters. I could get a masters in physics and I will still end up scooping popcorn into a giant cup and drowning it in vegetable oil at some filthy movie theater for obese Americans that earn more than me.
I don't know why I continue to dream and plan for project cars that I know I will never get to fulfill. I already got burned trying to get a cool car. Twice. I apparently don't learn from my mistakes as I continue to delude myself into believing that it is possible. I don't know why I can't just accept the fact that I will never get to do what I want in life. I say it to myself on a daily basis, but it never seems to sink in. Why do I desire things that I cannot attain? Why do I wish to do things that I am not capable of?
I honestly don't want to make tons of money. I don't want to be famous, either. I want to make enough money to live on, to buy a small house, have a daily driver and a project, and put food on the table. A few new clothes every once in a while would be nice as well.
It scares me to think that I might not ever be able to support myself financially. I have good reason to belive that I will never be able to do so. I can't get a home loan on minimum wage at the local drive-in...
Sorry to depress everyone, all 2 of you.
I am going to lose myself in WoW now.
I haven't updated the Blog because there is nothing to update. I do nothing of interest. Ever.
I moved to Visalia, California. Other than that, nothing has changed. I still have no future, and no chance for success. I am destined for mediocrity.
I play video games to forget that fact, at least on a temporary basis.
Not a day goes by that I don't spend a few hours thinking about what I want to do with my life. There are many jobs that I am interested in. I have always been a sort of audiophile (I have $150 Sony DJ headphones, surround sound for the TV, and I just bought these for my computer[THX certified, yay!]), so I was thinking of maybe doing sound design for movies. I have to go to a special school for that, and from my experience school is worthless. I put myself $4K into debt at that microscopic college for an A.A. in Liberal Arts. I have neither seen nor do I see any future benefits garnered from the degree. I was thinking of going back to school to major in physics, but I don't know what to do with one of those degrees. Engineering is the one I am currently leaning towards, but I know that whatever I choose is going to be the one thing I never get to do in my life.
Not that it matters. I could get a masters in physics and I will still end up scooping popcorn into a giant cup and drowning it in vegetable oil at some filthy movie theater for obese Americans that earn more than me.
I don't know why I continue to dream and plan for project cars that I know I will never get to fulfill. I already got burned trying to get a cool car. Twice. I apparently don't learn from my mistakes as I continue to delude myself into believing that it is possible. I don't know why I can't just accept the fact that I will never get to do what I want in life. I say it to myself on a daily basis, but it never seems to sink in. Why do I desire things that I cannot attain? Why do I wish to do things that I am not capable of?
I honestly don't want to make tons of money. I don't want to be famous, either. I want to make enough money to live on, to buy a small house, have a daily driver and a project, and put food on the table. A few new clothes every once in a while would be nice as well.
It scares me to think that I might not ever be able to support myself financially. I have good reason to belive that I will never be able to do so. I can't get a home loan on minimum wage at the local drive-in...
Sorry to depress everyone, all 2 of you.
I am going to lose myself in WoW now.
posted by Whatafreak at 1:55:00 AM
9 Comments:
Andy,
I understand what your saying however, well to be honest and truthfull, I dont feel sorry for you. Now I know that seems a tad bit harsh what I just said but in reality you have done this to your self. Im going to just guess but you have still yet to turn in the application to the movie theater? am I right? If not then glad you got that turned in.
If you are so disapointend in your life then do something about it. Stop playing WOW and go out find a job. So what it may not be the greatest job but who gives a shit. Start working and get yourself up into the world.
School, your comment I find half true. Yes you did just get a liberal arts degree. However the 4000 dollars of debt i choose to belive is your fault.
Yet, your in debt you find the ablity to spend 100 bucks on a set of computer speakers. Not saying they arnt great speakers but really, what is more important to you. Getting out of debt moving on with your life moving out as you say, or staying in debt having a few nice toys and living with your parents. Not that your parents arnt great they are ten times better then mine but, we all know living with parents at our age is not somehting we all crave to do.
I know most of thesse comments are a bit well harsh but I really think your a great guy and have something to give to the world. However I think that you have a bit of a lack of motavation and drive. That hampers you dastrically.
If this seems to harsh then please delete and forget what im saying. However I hope that maybe some of this will ring true.
A few points:
I have turned in several applications for jobs so far, including the one for the theater. I am seeking a job.
I play WoW once or twice a week for a grand total of 6 hours at the most.
Did it ever occur to you that I am not the one paying for those speakers? My dad threw my TV on the ground by accident while we were moving. I sorta donated the surround sound system to the family TV which leaves me with no sound but my parents owed me a new TV. I believe you guys can figure out what I negotiated.
Like you said, Casey, your spending has gone waaaaaay down since I moved here. Well, the same happened to me. We fed off of each other in the spending money department, haha!
The last point is, perhaps, the most valid. I had motivation and drive back when I first moved to Idaho, when I worked at Best Buy. 3 years of misfortune slowly beat it out of me. It's hard for me to be motivated to do anything now when, from my experience, I won't be able to do it anyway.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I don't need it. Pity doesn't solve anything, ever. I admit that I made that post sound negative, though not on purpose. I tend to exaggerate in posts to this blog. I like Visalia, but I am at a loss as to why people would choose to live here voluntarily (110 degrees!).
The comments made, while possibly harsh, were appreciated. Sometimes we need people to call us out on our stance, asking us "why".
Thanks.
Andy,
Im glad you didnt find my comments to harsh. I did read over it after posting and thought that i was a tad bit harsh to you. Im glad that you can take my comments and build on them. I hope dearly that you find a job soon that intrests you and allows you to have the things in life that you desire. Im sure that that job will come eventaully it may not be the next one but it will come. Also in life I hope you are able to get past your misfortunes of the last few years. Just look at as "that was then, that was twin, this is Now, and this is Vissallia" nad im sure youll be able to move along on a great and productive life.
HE LIVES!!!
Andy my friend. Life is a waste. We kick around some rocks... and then fade into the dust... usually in a very anti-climactic way.
SO!... This is what we do... we go to Vegas... we find a loan shark, we borrow a million dineros... and WE RUN FOR THE BORDER! We can more easily import the Hachi Roku and R32(33,34) to Mexico than to the US of A.
But since you never want to agree to that plan, considering this isn't the first time I've suggested it, we have to stay here in this hell hole called "Life as We Know It" and take it like Casey is going to be taking it in a few months when he enters boot camp. hahaha.
I have faith in you, my friend. You've already begun to dig yourself out... $4k is nothing compared to the future me, you, and Nicklaus will someday possess. We all have drive and ambition (and Nick has good looks) We are golden! You say you had your drive beaten out of you? Hell no you didn't, you were just put into a coma for a while... but now youw awake. I ain't worried about you. You always did whatever it took to make it work (Remember that 2 jobs thing you pulled for a while, hahaha). You have drive and ambition. All 3 of us have it. Though Nick is just the most overt about it. We are all going to come out on top.
However, as all things do, this will pass. It is merely a phase, and just because you don't see the end of the tunnel does not necessarily mean it's not there somewhere. Just gotta mash down on the gas until your out.
We will succeed, oh yes my friend, we will. Whether under our own individual powers or if I have to break myself in order to make us both succeed we will.
Dammit, I'm not a good driver solo, I'm a sidekick, a wingman. I preform better if I'm just a little off to the side.
WE WILL TRIUMPH! I will be like Napoleon, my countryman before me. I will conquer all that we see. Believe me, there are cars in our future, of the domestic and rice-laden variety. I won't let you or Nicklaus lose hope just yet. When the tunnel caves in... that's when we lose hope, but only long enough until me, you, and nick can afford some large piece of industrial equipment and dig our way out.
VIVA LA RESISTANCE!
"we have to stay here in this hell hole called "Life as We Know It" and take it like Casey is going to be taking it in a few months when he enters boot camp. hahaha."
.I have this feeling that you think the navy is a horiable option and that its going to be a bitch. Honestly, ya its going to be tough, yes im going to hate parts of it, however im making something out of myself. Im going to work my ass off, hell I already have I have made tons of life changes to better myself. I have decided to do something with my life, and that is not what you are doing. So dont in one way put down my carreer choice becasue I promise you its one of the best decsions in life.
Im getting pretty goddamn sick of people telling me I made the wrong choice, when I see all of thoose people fucking up there life on a daily agenda. If yjou really feel that Its a bad choice then i say make a wager. In 4 years err 4-8 what ever it may be, lets all 3 of us meet up and compare where we are in life and what crossroads. I dont say this to think my life will be better, I say this in lets do it as a expirment. After that time we look at the following factors
1) wealth
2) Retirment savings
3) Property assets
4) Acomplments
5) Life
Brad, then if I turn out to be the loser then you may diss my life choice, however untill that day comes dont fuck with me or my choices.
Casey, do you seriously want to bet me? I didn't start out at CSI, remember? I didn't waste away the first two years of life after High school like you seem to have done... working for Best Buy and then for Dell.
Why not compare myself to you now? How far you were at my age and how far I am.
What I said in that comment was a joke and should have been taken as one (we've joked about it before in your presence), had I wanted to be harsh, you would have noticed and probably would have included a much longer list of spelling and grammatical errors in your reply.
Next time, look before you leap...
And one more thing "Life Choice" sounds like you're coming out of the closet.
O dear Brad, I wonder when youll ever grow up. Ya I might have spent a couple of years not in school and working other crappy jobs. However mind you during that time I didnt jsut sit around and jack off. I spent a considerable amount of time working on certifications, and other skills for my carreer goals. Funny thing is if you seem to bash me for wasting 2 years, you sorta bashed andy as well ( no offense andy) Im beliving that he spent a considerable more amount of time "wasting away.
Congrats on not going to CSI, Some of us dont have the grand ability to leach off our parents some of us had to pay for college, so fuck off.
Ya, it might have been a joke but its a old one to me. Im sick of people going off on what i belive in and what is good for me. Honestly, your jsut jeoulous. You know why? becasue you have no FUCKING CLUE what your going to do in life.
"life choice" well I guess maybe to a homophob who has no abilty to understand others then ya. Really brad are you that low of a human that you want to bring in the gay card. Im not gay, many have said I'm so Ill warn you now. If you push it anyfarther with the gay card I will not be a civil person. I have many gay freinds and I respect them, they are who they are and thats it. If you are so missguided and a bigot then, well go live under a rock.
I will however say that Im god damn proud of the carreer I choose and fully am glad I went for it, im going to be making something formyself and my country. What are you going to do?
Casey, you know that I never really liked you, and however much I would have liked to believe you were as big a moron as you acted (You were the one who was a pompous douche bag to me when we first met, remember?), but I couldn't. Because as much as I hate to admit it, you always knew what you were talking about.
Now, on another note, I always thought it was cool you were joining up. I don't disrespect the military in any way, I have some really good friends and family all spread out into it. And you know what, when Andy first told me about the deal he said you were getting, it sounded good to me, it was smart, it's got job security, you have a defined future.
But to claim jealousy is a bit... egotistical.
In all honesty, I'm more jealous of Andy than you.
My life isn't the mindless wandering you claim it to be (though obviously you know me better than I know myself). I have direction, but not the destination, which is something I won't have for a long time, to plan for a destination that could change in an instant is pointless is it not?
Bigoted? Yeah, I guess I would have to say I am, which is no one's fault but my own.
Now the money issue where you mentioned how my parents are paying for everything. From your amazing insight into the matter, my parents are footing the bill for my $150,000 education. Not quite. What I don't have FSA or Grants for I'm paying through myself, the loans don't become active until I graduate, so I haven't felt the full sting yet.
So, here is my apology (and don't take it to mean "Oh he's giving up, let's be the bigger man and make a threat now")
I'm sorry Casey, what I said was a joke, I didn't mean for you to get upset (well I was expecting to get a rise out of you, but not for you to get bent out of shape), I respect your decision because you are making it for yourself and not for any else's reasons, and it takes alot more courage to take the lead yourself rather than to follow other people's directions. I didn't mean to imply that I was against the decision, because honestly I don't know where your coming from or your reasons for doing so. (In fact, all that I know is that your going to be joining the Navy for a lifetime tour and you're going to have the highest security clearances and such.)
And so I'm sorry Casey, I made a joke that went too far and made it worse by antagonizing you a second time instead of apologizing right off the bat.
Post a Comment
<< Home